I am all alone on yet another holiday, it's raining, dark, people are outside enjoying the holiday, fireworks going (I'm terrified of the booms now since last weeks drama...
What I really just want to do is...
cry till I can't cry any more but the just cry more and more...
I want my jammies on, I want to lay down and not nap(did that 3 x today already) lay on the couch, crawl under the quilt and put it over my head and sleep. I just want to sleep everything away ( I know I can't, but the desire is very strong). when it's time, I'll take my meds, maybe a sleeper to make me sleep and I just don't know.
I am tired of the battles to be stable, tired of the battles to be happy. Tired of how trouble always seems to find me even though I make it a point to stay away from anything that I think will trigger a cycle.
I'm close to giving up.
Yes, I see psych, PCP, therapist. Yes, I am medicated for my Bipolar.
Just need support I guess. I just want happiness
Kindness only pls
Answer:
Hey Girlfriend ! 1st - ur not alone ... u have Me. (and many many ppl who admire, respect n need u as well.) U have the 'tools' - the understanding n the awareness 2 cope with what u r feeling. I Know it is difficult n fustrating. We r so much alike. Happiness is what I always pray 4 myself. Just remember God will not let u fall. U have come so far, n conquered so much. Im always here if u need me. =)
Love ya
J
I have a family, and am alone yet again as well. I guess I am just too stubborn to go and be around people. It's not so much that I am afraid of being misunderstood, it's that I don't care what most people think. I for one take comfort in my anger, and holding it back seems to give me the control. Let's face it, the world is asking for all kinds of things, but we don't have to give it what it wants.
you see the world in only a bad way go out and do something that you want to do. Forget about everythimg else.
You can e-mail me anytime, I have Bipolar Disorder and I'm also a Therapist. I know exactly how you feel. Things will get better, I promise.
Its not what you think. It's a hormonal imbalance.
I felt it coming on to me and thought why is this feeling coming over me. It was a chemical imbalance. If you are taking meds (Prozac...etc) take them when prescribed. and think of happy things (sic) but KNOW why and how your body reacts to sight, sound, food, drink etc...
PS it was a beautiful sunny day today but I looked for a cloud just so I could say it was horrable outside.
When I feel depressed, I go for a 1-2 hour jog (preferably in a park). If you don't think you can handle that, then walk. It takes everything out of me but I feel alot better afterwards. This goes for just about any stressful activity.
I got the same problem than you only I'm not medicated for it. I usualy stop and think. One thing very good is when you forget about problems and meds. Just live your life like you're someone else.Make more time for yourself and leave the rest in God's hands.
My teen is bipolar. He has been thru some really, really bad times. Hospitalized a few times, etc. etc.
He's doing so well now! We finally found the right meds. He still is in therapy. It has been a slow climb out of hell.
Please don't give up! I have suffered along with my son. Besides that, I have had periods of depression in my own life when I felt like I couldn't go on. But now my life is so good.
I know a really good online support group. If you email me and tell me your age I can send you a link. Or you can go to Yahoo Groups and look up Bipolar. I belong to a group that is for parents with bipolar teens ( called BipolarParentsT), but a lot of the parents are bipolar, too. There are groups for bipolar adults, BP teens, etc. etc. If you go to the home page for BipolarParentsT it lists the names of the other groups.
I think if you know you aren't alone with your feelings that things would be easier, don't you?
silkysamadhi@yahoo.com
Yes, life is no good. Giving birth is an act of cruelty and now you, even as an adult, must suffer at the hands of your parents. Well, you don't have to suffer. You see, there is always death.
I never understood the point in talking someone who is clearly always going to be suffering. I care unlike some of these heartless bastards that tell you, 'NO, You must suffer for the next some odd years until you die of cancer." Like dying of cancer is that much better than dying of bipolar disorder.
Do what you need to do and happiness? It's a fleeting moment, don't seek happiness it will come and go, seek a deeper sense of contentment until you die, but you're going to die either way.
God's greatest gift to all of us is that of CHOICE. If you can think it, you can create it. If you can think it, you can do it. If you can think it, you can feel it. If you can think it, you can be it. If you can think to be well, you will be.
But don't take my word for it, think it for yourself and see what happens. It's your choice... think it, or not.
I have bipolar disorder and get terrible depressions like you do. I went 3 years straight like you describe with almost no days of relief. For me what has finally helped is 125 mg of lamictal and 600 mg of lithium, which really have helped the depression end of things. Both those meds are pretty good on depression. Also, you should NOT be on antidepressants if you are bipolar (true for most people - bipolar doc experts think they are too destabilizing).
Now for social support what I do is go to a local drop in center, which is a gathering place for people with mental illnesses. We play games like bingo and poker etc. etc we had fireworks last night and are going on a trip to tour an underground iron mine in a couple weeks. Try googling "consumer mental (your state or city)" and you may find a consumer group like that in your area. You may also be eligible for a social worker to visit you in your home and help you with everyday sh*t that is so hard to do when you are depressed. Plus you get some more visiting in.
I dunno, I did all the things I should to feel better, exercised, ate right, got lots of sun and used a light box, got social support, etc. but only the meds did the trick. Are you telling your doc how desperate it is? Maybe you would benefit from a second opinion. Social workers usually know who the good docs are, too.
I hope you feel better. Keeping busy with stuff you like does help distract, and getting out with others distracts even tho as soon as there is a lull you're ready to suicide again.
All the best to you.
Try this number when youget down and out. I'm bi-polar, and beleive me, I've been down at rock bottom too. When I lost my daughter to a miscarriage, I wanted to die with her. I wanted to lay in bed all day... cry and cry and cry, and then cry some more, but this number helped me to deal with this. 1-505-277-3013
{{{{ U}}}} I am bipolar... and have only been properly medicated for the past nine years. Before that...I began each day making a suicide plan. It made me feel 'safe' to know that I could die. Then I could put it aside and get on with living. We are alone by CHOICE. There are a thousand people needing you to get out there and help them right NOW. When we choose to help others, we find new and joyous life for ourselves. My closest friend received a death sentence yesterday; they will operate on her for her inoperable colon cancer to make it 'easier' for her. I sat out in the parking lot and cried 'til my eyes bled...but my sorrow will not make it one inch easier for her. My JOB is to get past how I feel and to make each day a bit easier for her; feed her pets, take her pics of her garden... and love her. Your JOB is to find something...someone...OUTSIDE yourself to care for. You are in my heart. Hugs, Gina C.
I wish there was something I could say to make you feel better. Bipolar is so misunderstood, my ex-husband also suffers from it. The lows can be unbearable but it will get better. If I can help you in anyway please let me know. Good luck
I don't wanna sound patronising but I know how you feel to an extent.
I've been thru quite a few bouts of depression now, I've tried seeking help etc, but the most recent time I just ended up running into brick walls trying to get help, i usually get shoved a box of pills and told, here you go these will hopefully make you feel better..
well f*****g brilliant, I felt so abandoned and worthless when i'm given a pills and left too it, my mum is very supportive with me, and has helped to a degree but I tend to withdraw into myself alot.
During a previous bout seeing a psychatrist helped as he helped me work through some of my problems.
I was ok for a while, then reached the stage where i'd cry for no reason, I had trouble doing anything, I was constantly sleepy etc.
the only way i've found thats helped me is to try and keep busy thinking about other things, and the support of a few good people
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