Hypothetical "WE" have an immediate opening in the Church of Bipolar Opposition for Anti-Pope 1st Class. If you are an individual looking to further your dictatorial skills by means of sheer propoganda, mock-religion and intimidation, then boy do we have a sweet job for you! Be blasphemed by the Aholy One (Penfold the Feeble), be feared by pets and small aquatic rodents, enforce your own laws of quantum-physics on unsuspecting followers and be adored by Princess Cinnamon (in training and on probation). All this and more can be yours if you can read Penfold's metarants for a length of at least 1.32 minutes at a time. As Anti-Pope in training 1st Class, you will get to practice the old proven medevil techniques the world has come to respect. The gerbil rack, hamster whip, beaver vice, and the S%26M virtual dogsled (pattent pending). Plus you will get .02% virtual mined drain fluffins rights (void if scratched off before next Sunday)
Virtual Sallary is paid on demand*
..in shoe raisins
Answer:
I volunteer, man, you know what convinced me, man ? you use like $20 words and your way with the tongue is better than that of a $500 whore, man...
just tell me where to sign...
BTW, I used to have a cat named Cinnamon, ate it grilled with fava beans, horseradish and a nice Chianti...
EDIT... sorry, I s(a)tan(d) corrected, but disagree on the *too clever* thing... I is just right for a spy... I promise, man...
yo! Jake, I am in the right room, but you seem to be in the wrong place, man... slick is like Teflon(tm), man... marketable, but unrewarding... in the end...
anyhow, how old were you , man when the saddles were blazing, man ?
anyhow, I see it is time to get my rosy red a*ss over the horizon so fast your eyes will water when you see it...
I offer my humble serivces as a spy, especially to the Penfold dude, he blinds me in a flash of total reliability, man, or is relication (damn), relocation ? cacophony ? (damn) epiphany !
my most sincere greetings to Cinnamon buns (or something like that)
Oohhh . I get to be the Princess? *le sigh*
Are you ready to do your duty for Penfoldium?
On this day, we reach back to hallowed antiquity, to bring you a recreation of the second fall of the mighty Pope Hysterium!... On the barren plain of a terrible combination, there stood the invincible armies of the barbarian Metarantus. Ferocious mercenaries and warriors from all brute nations, bent on merciless destruction, conquest. Your emperor is pleased to give you the barbarian horde!.. wait I got to go to the bathroom...
Propagandaramus If I've told you once, I've told you a hundred times; do not fan the girls when they're wet!
We'll need you to fan our disgust to the non-mocking hordes
of religious zealots, to crush their insatiable thirst for mulberry stuffed drain fluffingss. darn
application Goebbelus go fetch a christian ....good boy,now we are a lot boy,..nowarer on our way to kill some time,.... thats rubbish nobody that'snna to buy this brain yanked . schmuck give me the f*** pen,
Your Honor we need time to prepare our Case and ask for a
recess.
Who me? .with a condition of mental divergence. I find myself on the planet Blasphugius, part of an diluted elite, preparing to subjugate the fishhead hordes in your Neighborhood. But even though this is a totally convincing reality for me in every way, nevertheless Blasphugius is actually a construct of my psyche. I am mentally divergent, in that I am escaping certain unnamed realities that plague my life here. When I stop going there, I will be well. Are you also divergent, friend? Have you tried .to put Gold Bond on your nuts? It鈥檚 awesome. It鈥檚 like a midget chewing wintergreen gum and then blowing on your nuts. Boy You haven鈥檛 lived!
who's tom tom talking to, wrong room?
So this is where you have been hiding. I see that your desperation for converts has lead you to abandon all notions of a selection criteria. Looking at the rag tag collection of ranters, chanters and underpanters your advertisement has attracted, the church of Bipolar Opposition Limping Loony Oddball Crackpot Killing Section is likely to be overstaffed. It looks like suitable applicants for the post of Anti pope will have to be drawn from the Yahoo customer services retarded crack smoking monkey pool. Your outmoded medieval torturing devices are copy/pasted straight from the pages of Drain And Fluffins Torture and Sodomy Orgasm Daily.
I would strongly advise anyone considering this position to ask to see the colour of your shoe raisins before accepting the post.
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