Sunday, October 25, 2009

B/F has depression and anxiety disorder. Help me understand..?

He takes meds for his disorders and is fine on a daily basis, but lately he hasn't been talking much. We have a long distance relationship and he recently told me that he doesn't call sometimes because he is in a "mood"; like a place he goes to in his mind because he is overwhelmed sometimes and I think depressed, so he doesn't call me. He seems to be fine at work and also with friends, but somehow it's different with me. I don't understand. He also told me his system burns out on the meds and he needs to change up to another med for his disorders throughout his lifetime and he needs to go to the doc. Can someone shed light on this for me? I love him very much, but I don't know if he is using it as an excuse because he doesn't want to talk to me or he truly has periods like this that I need to accept; that he just dosn't want to talk/communicate with me. For me on the outside, I'm just not sure what to think because usually I equate lack of talking to lack of interest.
Answer:
Hi, sorry to hear you're feeling bad. It is impossible to tell whether your boyfriend is being truthful or not. However, I think you have to assume that he is being truthful - afterall, thinking otherwise will add to your problems and not help the relationship.

In reference to his illness... it doesn't sound like he is improving at all. So why not suggest an alternative? It will show that you care and are interested in him.

Suggest he try Cognitive Behavourial Therapy - he can do this alongside taking his meds. CBT is proven to be the most effective thing for depression and anxiety. It takes a bit of work, but it is super effective. He can speak to his doctor about taking a course or he can take a course for free online at: http://www.livinglifetothefull.com/elear... (A 鈥榩rettier鈥?version of this type of programme can be bought at www.thewellnessshop.co.uk). If he doesn't like computers, the best book is Dr Robert Burns, The Feeling Good Handbook. It basically teaches CBT and used by many psychologists.

Ultimately I think you have to visit him and ask him where you stand. Good luck!
I have dealt with depression, and I can definitely relate to what your boyfriend is saying. As simple as it sounds to pick up the phone and call someone, sometimes it's an achingly difficult thing to do. It's all about chemical balance and imbalance, and various medications DO lose their effectiveness over time. When he's feeling bad, it's true that sometimes it will help to talk with someone, but sometimes, you just feel like you have to keep to yourself and "lick your wounds," so to speak. If you need to do that but can't, it can be truly overwhelming. I know it's hard to understand, and most of the time those of us who deal with depression don't understand it ourselves, but it's very real, and very painful. Be patient with him, and don't put any more pressure on him than he already has to deal with. If he knows that you accept him exactly the way he is, it will do a lot toward alleviating his burden. Lack of talking is just a sort of coping mechanism; it's as though existing is all you have the energy to do, so don't take it personally, because it isn't aimed at you.
Well I have both of those disorders. For the depression try to do something he likes 2 do. And Or tell him you love him alot. For the anxiety disorder is were your nervous about everything. To help him with that tell him everything will be fine and try not to do anything That nerve racking.
I agree with dances_with... It isn't aimed at you personally. In fact he is letting you into his real self. He has to put on an act when he gos to work or school and it can be very difficult and draining if that is not how you really feel. He is not talking to also most likely because he doesn't want to bring you down with him. Sometimes talking about it with someone who may not be able to help can make you feel even more hopeless than when you started that day. He still loves you and I'm sure that he wants you to see the best sides of him. It is a lot of work emotionally being with someone who is depressed with anxiety disorders but if you hang in there you will come to understand him more.
wel try www.adaa.org call the anxiety line 1888 826 9438

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